Something about holding a bundle of bones will awaken your heart. People ask, “How do you do it? My heart couldn’t handle seeing the suffering or the pain, especially in children.”

Here is the answer, I don’t do it. I can’t do it. The Holy Spirit steps in and carries you through those moments. He holds you together while you hold the child.

As I read these words on this powerful picture I was tempted to just post the picture. But then I really thought about these words….”You hate your life, while some people dream of having your life”, yes this statement is true I felt the Lord ask me the real question,”What about your life do they want?”

Do they want my life, truly? Do they want my friendships? Do they want my job? Do they want my social status? Do they want the 10,000 options I have every time I walk into a store to buy food? Do they want my luxuries? Or do they want the Jesus that they see in me?

I remember walking into a village and a sweet mother walked up holding what looked like a baby, she placed this boy in my arms and I was holding bones. The child had a distinctive smell and I could feel the bones of his body pressing into my skin. He was seven years old and could not crawl or walk. He was dying of starvation. The mom looked at me with the look that I had seen so many times…”I want my son to have your life, please help him”. The Holy Spirit stepped in and held me as I held him. You have to ask the Lord to remove you and your limitations otherwise you can’t hold them and touch them. He removes your senses so you can touch and love them like He would.

We were able to give this child food to sustain him but one message always came to my mind as I went from village to village to take food….all things fade away, but He remains. If I gave this little boy food, water, and all the luxuries that I have access to if I didn’t offer Jesus, I didn’t offer him life. All we need is Him.

Even at home we are always looking and comparing our lives to others. We want what others have. If we are honest we at times display our lives for the intent only for others to want what we have…it’s the reason we are not a genuine people. We put on masks so that other will want our lives because if they saw behind the mask they would change their mind.

I was convicted looking at this picture this morning for so many reasons. I am not nearly thankful enough for the life that God has given me and His grace upon my life. But most importantly, when people dream about having my life I want them to dream about having Jesus. I work so hard for them to want everything else, even though I would never admit it. I was convicted. Do I work hard for the glory of God or do I work hard so people will admire my success? Do I drive my car because I am thankful I have something to get me from point A to B, or do I drive a car that I want to get noticed? Do I take care of myself (body, clothing, hair) to represent His temple or is it to impress people?  They only need to see Him in me. Everything else is fleeting. Everything.

If I give those searching the world and don’t give them Jesus then I should have given them nothing. Only He can provide the food, only He can provide the healing, only He can provide the shelter and ONLY HE CAN PROVIDE LIFE. Life abundantly.

 When we are dying after we have filled ourselves with everything this world has to offer, including food, He holds us and sustains us.

That is the life this hand in the picture should be dreaming about having.

I woke up this morning with the normal Monday feeling. Dreading the routine, the 8-5, the predictable job, getting back into the gym…not seeing my sweet children and drinking hot tea with Susan every night.

I was in stand still traffic this morning and felt my mind going to wanting to be miserable. I reached over and grabbed my Bible and just opened it and it opened to Psalm 22:5b, “They put their TRUST in the Lord and they were NEVER disappointed.”

Never dissapointed? That seems unrealistic, doesn’t it? I look back over my life, last year, yesterday and it is filled with dissapointment. From big to small things, I can’t count the times in my life I have been dissapointed.

I read this simple scripture over and over this morning. I want this. I want to trust in Him, but how much Trust does this take? It sounds so simple, “those who trust in Him were never disappointed”. The word ‘were’ meant that the writer was looking back and saying, ‘No, I was never disspointed’. I went back to read the first of the chapter and realized it was David that wrote this Psalm. DAVID…who lived as a fugitive because he was being sought after to be killed, who slayed Goliath as a boy, who kept the flock, who had an affair with Bathsheba, a murderer…he wrote this passage.

He though starts out saying, “My God, my God! Why have you forsaken me? Why do you remain so distant? Why do you ignore my cries for help? Every day I call to you, my God but you do not answer me. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief”. He had misplaced his trust.

Trust-an individuals placement of confidence in another to fulfill their promise or to be consistent in their policies. The definition of trust.

Sometimes I try to make great promises to me more complicated than they are. I feel like my end of the bargain has to be a lot in order to receive something so great as no disappointment. Because that is how it is with my earthly relationships. I want a good review at work which results in great pay…I have to perform. I want a deep friendship with others that means I have to go deep as well and that is tiresome at times. I want others to be there for me in hard times and that means that I have to get down in the trenches with others. I want to lose weight and feel good that means lunges.

But with Him, with that definition of trust, it is simple. I have to change my perspective. Placing my confidence in Him, not in my performance, not in my abilities to “do good”, not in my circumstances, not in my family, not in my closest friends, not in my government, but Jesus Christ.

1 Corinthians 2:9 For no eye has seen, no hear has heard, and no mind has imagind what God has prepared for those who love Him.

I could imagine my perfect life, everythign that I have dreamed about since I was a little girl, dreams that my parents have for me, the American dream…I could imagine it now and it is exactly what I would ever want. But if I look at this promise even my greatest imagination cannot even begin to comprehend what He has for me. And that makes my moments of doubt disappear.

My trust has been far from wholly His. Hence, my disappointments.

Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word (Ps. 22:5).Just to rest upon His promise (never to disappoint), just to know Thus sayeth the Lord.

I remember this day.

I remember thinking when I took this picture, hold on to this moment. I knew that there would soon be a day when I would need to remember. Remember the simplicity of holding a sleeping child on a long ride back to the home. Remember looking out over the beauty of the country and listening to my favorite songs on my ipod.

Those moments were the ones that I cling to on days like today where I miss these moments more than my heart can bear.