Joshua 4.

The Israelites had been in the desert for 40 years and now the time had come time to leave the desert and go to the promise. A land that had been promised to them, promised to their parents or grandparents whose lack of belief caused them to die in the desert but these, they were about to cross over.

The Jordan River separated them from their new home. Where they could finally reach the place they had dreamed about and what seemed to be the finish line. As I try to place myself this morning, I imagine my husband being Joshua…(wink) and he is telling me to prepare our family to cross the river, but also knowing that the land promised to us was currently being inhabited by others, I would be so tired and weary. I would have been a little frustrated with God…”really, after all this time here we can’t just cross over and settle my family? My husband has to go to war over the land that is ours? Haven’t we endured enough? Why must we fight for what you said was ours?”

But what choice would I have but to trust this God who had kept us and follow the leading of my husband, who I know has heard from Him.

As I read this with my Joshua this morning this particular part of the story spoke to both of us very differently but so beautifully together.

Forty thousand! Forty thousand people (families) were to cross over. So I can imagine the chaos of what was going on in the moment. They had heard the stories of their ancestors crossing dry land on the Red Sea but I would be hiding my fear, because that does seem a little crazy. Packing up my belongings and my children to cross with another 40,000 people…I mean crazy. So when the Lord commanded of Joshua to pick up 12 stones from the middle of the Jordan, I would have thought…Lord that is so trivial. My husband needs to help me carry our children across, or carry my loads, but then he has to stop and pick up a large stone?

I am always focusing on the battle and what we need to do to conquer the battle. As in I see our adoption as a battle, I see our time here in Uganda working in ministry, there are battles in fighting for your marriage, there are battles within our immediate family. Battles doesn’t necessarily mean that things are going wrong but it means that because Jesus is trying to move Satan is attacking and you have to go in and face it as a battle. I don’t take the time to stop in my day and pick up a stone to mark the faithfulness of God even in the midst of the battle or the preparing.

What is your battle you are fighting or see in the near future and you are busy preparing for it? In the midst of it all are you picking up stones of remembrance for every act of faithfulness of Him? Are you sharing it with your children and can they see that we are looking each day for His faithfulness and we make it a priority to look for stones rather than fighting the battle.

The Lord also gave instructions after the obedience of the people. He didn’t give all the instructions at once. He didn’t say you are going to cross the river, pick 12 stones, place them on the altar where you sleep, go to the city of Jericho and then march around it. No. He gave the instructions one at a time. One step in front of the other.

Once He saw the obedience, He gave the next instruction. In the middle of it I want scream because I want to get all the instructions at once and then I can go fast and try to hurry to the result. But Jesus knew. He knew that His people including myself needed one instruction at a time. In this moment, I want all of my instructions but as my husband was so faithful to point out this morning, He has given us one right now. After that He will give another, until the walls of Jericho fall down and we live in the place He has called us to.

What battles are you facing today that you are wanting to know how to strategically fight? Is it addiction, your marriage, your business, an adoption? We want to get to the end but as we see in Joshua, His people took one instruction at a time and He instructed them to pick up stones to declare His faithfulness. I need to stop and look around to see if there is someone in my path that He wants me to minister to, give myself to, or serve to move to the next instruction? And lay a stone.

Then when the battle is won we have a stone for each way He provided for the victory and what brought the white flag. We sit and tell our children of each stone and we raise a generation that knows going into battle to look for stones.

“So the Israelites did as Joshua commanded them. They took twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan according to the tribes of the Israelites, as the Lord had told Joshua; and they carried them over with them to the camp, where they put them down. And they are there even to this day.”      

You can only lead as far as you have been led with Him.  This has been weighing on me. Such a great responsibility to lead. I desire to go deeper with Him, I desire for Him to speak, but yet I find myself getting busy with the ministry to-do list and the schedule that we have even here, and I fail to stop and listen. So today, I am stopping. I am listening. I am going to write.

He has done so much these last few weeks that I have failed to share. Here is a sweet recap of what has been going on in my job and also in my heart.

I have new responsibilities! Here is what I do on a day-to-day basis.

1. Donations Office //  I am still helping in this department, which means that I help coordinate the sponsorships and updates for those who sponsor and give to the ministry.

2. School Coordinator // Responsible for the spiritual and physical well-being of the babies at our home, our nursery, primary, and secondary school.

3. Assistant Guesthouse Manager // I assist Sarah, our amazing manager, in the evenings and on the weekends at our guesthouses.

4. Developing a micro-loan finance department where we can help our 200 pastors develop projects that will sustain their income and help their community as well.

When I type all of this out I can literally feel myself start to panic. I can feel myself start to feel so inadequate and overwhelmed. I know myself well enough to know that when these feelings come, I tend to shut down and become paralyzed. I have been wrestling with fighting these fears for the last few weeks. I will sit down at my computer to write updates and nothing comes. I will begin to try to get into the Word and ask God for wisdom on how to lead and what our babies and students need to walk through first, and there is silence. I can’t seem to move forward. I lay in bed and think, “Did you really think I could do this? Why? I feel like there are so many more out there that have experience in all of these areas, and I am not one of them.” It keeps me up at night. I look ahead and see a mountain that I have no experience climbing.

It wasn’t until a few days ago that He spoke. He spoke into every fear of my inadequacy. An image. An image that took me back to a blog post that I wrote last year that was inspired by my sweet friend, Katie. Learning to bend low

For when I am bent low, serving, with my face to the dirt, that is where I find Him in all of His fullness. But today, I know that with me bending my knee, placing myself in a position of surrender, I can only take this position because He first bent towards me.

I feel as though I have to measure up. I still feel as though I need to perform accordingly. But I have to, once again, know the Biblical love of Jesus. And so I have to go back to this image: He came for me. I have quoted John 3:16 so many times but today it is different. “For God SO loved the world that He GAVE his only son”…the love of God is initiated towards me. He moved towards me. He bent towards me. Me at my best is never going to be adequate. Ever. That is why in His great love, He leaned in.

God has publicly outed me and because of that I am set free. So, that means I need a Savior. I don’t have to be more than I am. Sometimes I still think that He will love me when I get it all right and thousands of students and babies are living for Him. I don’t have to pretend through what I post on Facebook, Instagram and even my blog, that I know what I am doing. I don’t have to wrestle with putting an image forward that I can do this and because I am living in Uganda that I am doing something unique that deserves attention or praise, but just the opposite. I do not deserve a Savior that would call me, find me worthy, and set me in a place where He constantly reminds me that I cannot do this. Reminds me that He bends towards me so that I can also bend with a heart that tries to reflect the heart of my Father. Oh how I fail. I often do not serve well. I often expect others to serve me. I often miss opportunities to love well and to sit with someone because I need to accomplish a list. It is a daily battle to remember that I don’t have to sit in the guilt and run away from Him, but run towards Him because He already told me I would need a Savior. And He came.

It is my desire that each student at our Secondary School, all 188 of them, would come to know a Savior that bent towards them, so they can understand the spectacular love of their Father. That as orphans, as those who have been sexually abused, abandoned, scared, starved, the Creator came and got down on His knees before them, cupped their faces, held their hearts, kissed their wounds, and embraced them. My heart feels the weight of doing everything in my power to point them to His heart. Not just a religion that we spoon feed them in a Christian school and home, but that we would guide them in a relationship, that would give them Hope and show them the way to Life.  Would you pray for me? Would you pray that in my weakness, He is shown strong? That I would not play the comparison game. I would not be paralyzed by fear but would run set free.

That together we will run with our heads held high in the confidence of our Father’s love for us. Together, we will bend low and serve one another. Together, we would place ourselves in a surrendered position. Together, we would allow the picture of our Savior bending towards us, make our hearts bend towards Him. And with a posture like pictured below, I am capable of doing the things He has called me to do.

You know, today was one of those days that I felt literally overwhelmed by His love for me! Where I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face and I literally felt like I needed to pinch myself.

He has shown His faithfulness to me time and time again but sometimes I just stand in awe. I stand in awe of those who gave in order to bless me with an amazing new car that not only blesses me but blesses my family here at Arise Africa.

I have to say the most joy I have felt was not when I received the notice that the target goal had been raised so we could go and look at a car but it was yesterday as we drove 2 hours to the Capital City to pick up the car. I was excited, don’t get me wrong, so excited but it did not compare to the excitement of my father here, Pastor Godfrey, who is takes wonderful care of me and made sure that we picked the very best. He was like a little kid on Christmas morning. Here at Arise God has provided for every single car that we have. Every single one. But yesterday was a little different, no one had ever gotten a big “New” nice car like this one. The joy that I received from seeing him so excited about driving the new car was worth it all. Thank you so much to those who gave, I wish I could have captured it on video as we drove off the lot and he beamed with pride. It was literally a proud father who had made a great choice for his daughter and was excited. A daughter being 28 years old and experiencing for the first time in a long time what it felt like to not make “big girl decisions” but to let a father do it for me, it brought me more joy than I remembered.

As I was driving along the dirt roads today, I didn’t feel the potholes like normal because I was seated behind a wheel of a great car! I didn’t breathe in the fumes and exhaust and eat the dirt because I am blessed to have air conditioning. I had my music blaring and I was surrounding by a scenery of a developing country, and I literally wanted to scream with pure joy! How is this my life? I say this so much but I really mean it…I have only given up a few luxuries. I don’t deserve to be here. He has just lavished His grace upon me to be able to call this my life. I am truly humbled. And it was moments like today, overwhelmed with what He has done for me through faithful servants that donated, it is so beautiful and fulfilling to follow Him. Even without a car, even if it meant that I didn’t get to drive a car…He is still good and He is still faithful. But how sweet is it when He surprises us?

We are all so thankful for the blessing of a new car!! It was so needed. I can now drive back and forth to Bukelaba daily and have a reliable car to get me there and back each day! Even tomorrow, Pastor Godfrey is taking it far out as he goes to encourage one of our churches. He gets ALL the glory!

Now, we just need a name for her….open to suggestions 🙂

Thou has brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by the mountains of sin I behold Thy glory.

Let me learn by paradox

That the way down is the way up,

that to be low is to be high

that the broken heart is the healed heart,

that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,

that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, 

that to have nothing is to possess all,

that to bear the cross is to wear the crown

that to give is to receive

that the valley is the place of vision.

Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from the deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy starts shine; Let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley. 

-The Valley of Vision

To Be Continued….What I have learned from living among those who live here, in this place. How my heart desires for America to find ourselves here. The valley, where we gain our vision. But first, we must take and drink of the cup.

Thankful for small things that bring happiness to my soul!!

Lubbock, Texas. It definitely isn’t the scenery or the smell (smells a little like Africa at times) but it is my home. A place my heart always wants to find it’s way to. It holds so much of my memories, my experiences, my laughter, tears and it is the culture in which I was raised. Cowboy boots, late summer nights with friends doing nothing, dirt roads, taco villa, perfect grid layout, market street, bahama bucks, jones stadium, monterey high school, texas tech, holidays, family…all in this one place. I am proud to be from a place where I can return to and still walk into the grocery store and know I will see someone I know. Lubbock, it holds so much of my happiness all lumped up in West Texas greatness.

Happiness is cookie dough. Licking the beaters when I was a child after my mom would make a batch to my roommate always saving me a bowl full that I would enjoy after a day of work. It is a simple pleasure that comforts. So much better than the cookie.

Cowboy hats and Cowboy boots. Hard working gentlemen from home. Rough hands. Ranch. Dance halls. Texas country. Football games. PLAIN TEXAS. You can take Texas anywhere when you put on a good pair of boots.

H

Happiness is when I can throw on leggings and boots. Or this outfit. It’s my favorite. Comfortable and Fall.

Happiness is my girls, Lubbock nights, Game weekends, Guns Up and Texas’ Girls. Thankful.

A morning at the Salon. Hair, cup of coffee, and a good magazine, girls chatter, blow dryers, new looks, refreshing. Small things that I look forward to.

                                                                                     Happiness is a good pair of high heels.

Happiness is kisses from my dog, Sophie.

Small things…I am thankful because they make this girl’s heart happy.

I have stayed awake late into the night this week just reflecting on my ten months here. Afraid to really begin to reflect because there is too much. In one day I can experience every emotion. In one day. So it becomes life here and it becomes normal. I am thankful. I thought I would be able to write a blog post capturing my time here but it is impossible. He has done a work in me that cannot be put into words. I can’t capture it, but I am praying that as I return home to my family, friends, fast pace, small blessings and all that is America, I can embrace it all with overflowing gratitude. I know I am not the same but I pray that as I encounter every conversation, every speaking engagement, every situation that I can display that I have done nothing special…I am not super woman…I am not radical…I just have tasted from His cup. A cup that is available for everyone to drink. A drink that is offered to His children everywhere…from a remote village to Texas, to New York…

The question that I have been asking for months and so many others ask this same question that come spend any amount of time here…”How do you experience Jesus in America like you experience Him in Uganda?” Is it possible? If God called me to move back to America, could I find the same fulfillment in my day-to-day there? Life there has a whole different set of problems…but it just seem different. Not as desperate. I have been seeking out to find this answer. What do I have here that I do not have at home? The truth is He is the same Jesus in Uganda as He is in America.

I think I have tapped into it. I am not the first. I am just beginning to see that this truly is the answer to fulfillment.

Eucharisteo-thanksgiving. Ann Voskamp has written a book “1,000 Gifts”. We are reading it in my community here and last night as we poured over her words, it hit me. Here we are so thankful. Thankful for life, thankful for food, thankful for rain…in fact before every church service you will hear the congregation rise up a loud passionate “thank you” for at least ten minutes, they lift up thanks. This is what we are missing.

A grateful heart. Not only for the big things but for the very day small graces. Breathing.

So today let’s begin…

“And when I give thanks for the seemingly microscopic, I make a place for God to grow within me.”- Ann Voskamp

Simple Grace: Food-I just lost a 15 month old baby this week because of malnutrition. I do not take the grace upon me to have not only food, but delicious food. That is His grace upon me.

                                                                                                    Simple Grace: Smiles

Marvin- A two-year old boy who never showed emotion. He was suffering from neglect and malnutrition. His smile reminds me He is a God of miracles and only He can comfort the heart of a child.

Elijah- He stopped breathing, his body was too weak and frail to fight. But the Lord fought for him. Elijah-He is God. Thankful for His smile that reminds me, He alone is God.

Damien- A ten-year old who I met shortly after he had experienced more trauma and tragedy than anyone I know or heard about. I was not sure that a smile would be possible for this child. I am thankful that He has lifted us up out of our pit and set our feet on a high rock. He alone is our portion.

My Granddad and Dad- Their smiles remind me that I am thankful to have Godly earthly men who have raised a child in the way she should go. Two men who have given me the confidence to fly and walk in His acceptance of me. Because of how these two men have loved me, I know my Father’s love more intimately. Their smiles say, I am proud of you, I love you and I am thankful that their smiles are a reflection of His.

Today, what food and smile are you thankful for?

“….Life change comes when we receive life with thanks and ask for nothing to change.” Ann Voskamp

#28- I have made it to 28!!

#27- I have gray hairs. Not just one or two but many. I am choosing to be thankful.

#26- A cup of coffee every morning. A time in my day I really look forward to. And so many of conversations have taken place with coffee in hand. 

#25- George. 

#24- My mom had a stroke and graciously spared her any major side effects! So thankful!!

#23- I was able to CELEBRATE and wear a Gomezi!

#22- I have conquered driving on the wrong side of the road and the other side of the car! I haven’t “knocked” anyone yet!

#21- Chick-fil-A nuggets….reason enough to celebrate 🙂

#20- I came back to see my sweet Marvin walking!! After being told he would not walk more less talk!

#19-HE MADE THE WAY FOR ME TO COME AND FULFILL MY HEART’S DESIRE!!

#18-  Every morning I get to drink deeply of His grace and mercy. Every day is a new day for me to see just how HUGE He is. And I am from West Texas, so I get the best sunrises/sunsets

#17- I was able to celebrate another best friend the day before I boarded a plane! So honored to be there!

#16- I have celebrated many years with these girls. Celebrating that after all these years, they now tell me how awful my hair was

#15- OUR SECONDARY SCHOOL!!!! I came to plant a tree in 2009 and that was all we had, a tree. Today I step foot onto a beautiful campus with 135 of the most amazing students! Amazed.

#14- Douglas!! A boy that was brought to us with cancer that had spread throughout his body and had a massive tumor on his stomach is now walking around with his tumor GONE!!

#13- The journey that has led me to more than friendships…

#14 From This….

To This…

And the JOY of being her Auntie Dacia

#13- Celebrating Tomi Calmes. She has mentored me and poured herself into my journey over the last decade. Today I stand with her and know that we will celebrate her being cancer free. He is already shown Himself to be big in the midst of her pain and sickness. He is above all things, and in Him all things hold together. I love you Tomi!

#12- That I have two amazing parents that have taught me how to serve. So thankful to have parents that are still married and continue to support me no matter the cost for them. I love my parents so much!!

#11- Esther, Marvin, and Gift- all came to us malnourished and no laughter. Today they are my joy to walk into our home and be greeted by chubby, running, and laughing balls of joy!

#10- My family here in Uganda, who has made this home. Truly, love knows no boundaries, this is my family.

#9- The community that God has given me here. He knows how much I desire friendships and He has been so faithful to send me the sweetest friends that now walk this road with me.

#8- Elijah. As we prayed over his bed for God to sustain His life…we now get to see these eyes sparkle and a giggle that will melt your heart. If our God is for us….

#7- We were able to raise enough money to buy Susan her car!! Which now I am blessed by as well!

#6- I do NOT deserve the friends that He has given me. So thankful for each and every one who has made me who I am today.

#5- My evening walks look like this

#4- I get to love these like they are my own. One of the greatest privileges in the world. I do not take it for granted. I celebrate that years from now, I will see the beautiful story and life that He has destined for them. It truly is the most exciting thing I can imagine.

#3- FOR ALL HE IS DOING IN AND THROUGH ARISE AFRICA!! Every day He does new things. Every day we see more answered prayers. I celebrate because HE had done GREAT things for us!

#2- My Hero, Russell Hudson. Who for 28 years loved me as his granddaughter and taught me to be a strong woman. We weren’t expecting him to leave us but Jesus knew that I would not want to be any other place but by his side during his last days. I celebrate that I got to hear him tell me he loved me, and I was able to sing my precious Granddad into the presence of Jesus. I am waiting for the Day..Thank you Jesus for letting me be with my hero in his last days!

#1- Looking back over the last 28 years of my life, I am in awe of how He has orchestrated all the details. I have tasted and I have seen, there is nothing sweeter than being in the center of His will. I celebrate today because He chose me. He didn’t have to choose me but He did. I celebrate that His story for me is not over, but if it was over today…I have seen His goodness. My desire in life is that others will look at this sinful, simple Texas gal and know that He can use anyone. That His joy would truly radiate from me and that one day, with all that I love, dance around the throne. I pray that I am a city on a hill burning brightly, a light to the world shining His glory.

I do not deserve the last 28 years of blessings…so for the next 28, I will sing His praises.

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Church in the village. It is always a different experience. Some weeks if I am honest it is hard for me to truly get fed because of different reasons. I can’t really understand the interpreter, I am so tired that being in a hot confined area I begin to fight sleeping instead of engaging in the service, or just plain and simple different cultures. Other times my soul is fed and I am taught so much by sitting either under a tree, in an open church with iron sheets as their roof, or a mud room, and I love worshipping with believers that worship so freely.

Today I was headed out to church with a team and it had been raining. I am now driving and I must say I have been owning the roads 🙂 I have even gotten stuck in mud and have successfully gotten myself out. I have been pretty impressed with my “mudding” skills. Today it had been raining and we were headed to Buwenda Church which is pretty deep down a so-called road. I made it to the turn off and after 10 attempts the car I was driving was refusing to let me maneuver without 4 wheel drive. I was just about to say, ” I don’t think we are going to be able to make it” when a guy from the village came up to my car and said, “you let me help”. What the heck? Let’s try…

We arrived at the church and I knew that there was a reason for us to make it through the impossible roads to be gathering with these people today. As we are worshipping I look outside and see a very old woman bent over trying to get the mud that was caked on her feet off with a piece of grass. She had a walking stick and she caught my eye because of how old she was, which is very rare here, and the fact that she couldn’t walk due to what seemed to be the mud that had weighed down her feet.

At this time I see some of the young children come into the church with a mat and place it in the corner of the church. I didn’t really think anything of it at that time. Then I look back over to the woman and she has finished cleaning her feet and was walking, but I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Her back was bent completely over still and I realized that she never was bending down, this was the way her back was. My heart broke into pieces as I watched her struggle into the church.

When she entered the church she found the mat. She got down on all fours and prayed. And prayed. And prayed some more. Then she sat back against the wall and worshiped.

As we moved into prayer time I captured a picture of a young girl praying with the sweet elderly women on the floor. From one generation to another-I felt the sermon spoken over me.

I had come into church walked in with no health issues, clean clothes, a full stomach, clean shoes because I had a car to travel in, and I didn’t fall to my knees and pray like the elderly woman who couldn’t stand up straight. I was humbled from a generation younger than me to a generation older than me.

It reminded me of one of the first blogs I wrote last summer and it took me back to the place of surrender.https://thisismyjoy.org/2011/06/14/learning-to-bend-low/

My sermon for the day- Humbled and convicted. I need to find myself bent low.

I do not take for granted the friendships the Lord has given me. Some go back as far as I can remember and others have just come within the last few months, all of them have shaped me in some form or another.

I have met so many incredible people and made great friends since I have been living in Jinja. It is not very often that people who live here go home. All have different reasons but one I have heard more than once is this, ” I really have no reason to go back. Friendships have changed and my life is now here”. To be honest this always scares me. It goes back to the core of my biggest fear when I said a simple, “yes” to come…I didn’t want to leave behind my friendships. I knew that everyone’s life would continue on at home and I fully expected it to and desired for it to. At the same time, I desire to go back home and pick up where I left off in some way. I want to find my friends doing what they do daily and join them in that because I love where He has placed each of them and I want to encourage them in where He has placed them.

Community looks the same no matter what culture you are in. Community that is found in Jesus Christ is one that encourages, protects, loves no matter the costs, forgives the unforgivable, celebrates, mourns and when one leaves the welcome home is so sweet. I think about my community at home from my family, to those who are a wiser generation who pour into me, to those who have been walking this journey with me since I was a child, to those who He has brought into my life recently, and I am overwhelmed with His goodness to me. I know that when I return home things will be different, even His word says “there is a time for everything, a season for every activity under heaven” and I am thankful for the different seasons. It is what sanctification is all about…we are forever changing. I do know though that I have been blessed with a community that will embrace me and love me no matter how long I have been gone and no matter if the Dacia they knew when she left is not the Dacia that returns.

Every single person I have met along my journey of life has played a part in this story. Before He created the World He foreknew every detail of my life and He knew who I would sit next to in class, who would walk up in my teller line, who would be in my life for a brief time, be my neighbor, my teacher, my best friend, every encounter, every friendship has an eternal weight. It has purpose in something bigger than myself…if I let it.

Here I sit in Uganda. A new community is being formed, one with those who face the same trials I face daily, ones who have stained feet like myself, and those who know the highs and lows of saying “Yes” to something greater than yourself. It is sweet. I am so thankful.

Still, deep in my heart I cannot wait to sit over coffee, with home around me, Texas stars, cowboy boots, familiar faces, familiar laughs and share what He has done in all of us over this past year.

Dear brothers and sisters, I love you and long to see you, for you are my Joy and the reward of my work. So please stay true to the Lord, my dear friends. God knows how much I love you and long for you with the tender compassion of Jesus Christ. I pray that your love for one another will overflow more and more, and you will keep on growing in your knowledge and understanding.

I love each and every one of you.

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